Exotic Animals

A collector was going through an exotic animal show. There were dwarf emus that were only 14” high, giant Madagascar hissing cock roaches at four to six inches, llamas, pigmy wallabies, duckbilled platypi and all sorts of strange species.

The collector had come to this particular show because it was rumored that a dealer there was selling an animal that was the most exotic in the world, a rarie. He found the dealer and was able to secure a juvenile member of the species.

The animal looked like a yellow, fuzzy, round ball, with feet on the bottom. It stood 18’ from the top of its head to the tips of its feet; and his impossibly black eyes shone from underneath a thick down-like covering. The animal immediately took a liking to its new owner and cuddled against him whenever it could.

The collector took his new pet home to Boise, Idaho. Not much was known about this creature, so the collector started keeping a journal of the vital statistics of the rarie, whom he now called Leon.

Leon went everywhere with the man. He liked to play fetch with oyster and conch shells. Leon’s favorite food was smoked escargot, stewed in butter and garlic. He could eat thirty or forty pounds in a sitting.

Leon’s owner started trying to shop the book about raries around to various publishing houses, hoping to bring in some money to subsidize Leon’s ever growing palate and size. Leon ate all of the caviar in the local gourmet shop, eschewing the local roe for the imported fare from the Caspian Sea.

And Leon grew; and as it grew, it ate more and more. And it grew at an alarming rate. The size of the creature was such that Leon could no longer cuddle against the collector – the collector had to cuddle with the rarie.

The amount of food consumed was straining the collector's budget and no one wanted a book about a creature that would literally eat them out of house and home.

Finally, in a state of desperation, he took the animal in a dump truck to the edge of a gigantic cliff in the Snake River Canyon with the idea that he would drop it over the edge. Leon was just too big to be put down at the Humane Society; and drastic action had to be taken. Just as the collector was getting set to roll it out of the truck, Leon popped open an eye and looked at him and asked, "Whatcha gonna do now?" The collector explained how he could no longer afford the upkeep, and that dropping it over the cliff would be the most humane way to get rid of such an expensive liability. The animal looked over the edge and with a tear in its eye, it said, .... "It's a long way to tip a rarie."

From time to time I hope to add several more "groaners" that I have heard over the years to the blog. Phyllis Finecy put this on the Dorsett Meeting place in MYFAMILY.com. I added some obfuscation and changed it slightly, but thanks Phyllis. And I thought I'd lost my sense of humor....