The Roy Rogers Show

I think that it would be great to be a kid today. Playstation, Nintendo Wii, and Xbox are head and shoulders above any toy that I had. My brother and I watched “The Man in the Iron Mask” on a daily movie show that was on at 4:00 o’clock and ran until 5:30. It was called the “Big Show”. When it was over, we went out and broke switches off of a tree in the back yard to use as swords to reenact scenes from the movie. Today you can put a fencing game into the Wii and watch your avatars sword fight up and down stairs and all across castle rooms - just like in the movie.

That being said, there is a lot to be said for growing up as part of the “baby-boom”. I don’t think kids today ever had a straight forward World War 2 series like “Combat”, or a goofy puppet show like “Kookla, Fran and Ollie”. And we had Roy Rogers.

The Roy Rogers Show was one of my favorites. Roy, and his wife, Dale Evans, were joined by Pat Brady, a hired ranch hand.

Pat Brady was different than any other ranch hand on TV. He hardly ever rode a horse. Instead he drove a jeep that was likely to break down at any minute. He called his jeep “Nellie Belle”.

Pat provided comic relief for Roy and Dale. Together, they were a family that included their horses, “Trigger” and “Buttermilk”; and their dog, “Bullet”. They all lived in the wide open spaces on the Double-D-Bar Ranch.

I later read that one episode was based on a true incident. It seems that Roy went to Texas and had a pair of Tony Lama cowboy boots made specifically for the show. They were extra fancy, and fit him like a glove. He was very fond of those boots (as only a cowboy can be).

On the first episode of 1956, Roy was out with Pat, rounding up some bad guys that had rustled a prize bull from the ranch next door. It got late, so they made camp and bedded down under the stars.

In the middle of the night, there was a noise. Roy jumped up to investigate and he could see the bull on the ridge silhouetted against the sky. He was so excited, jumped on Trigger in his stocking feet and left his boots next to his bedroll.

By the time he got the bull roped and wrestled into submission, it was near dawn. Pat and Roy went back to break camp and found a mess they couldn't believe.

It seems thay after they left, an animal (probably smelling food and seeing no one around) tore up everthing in the camp looking for food. It had torn apart Roy's Tony Lamas and chewed every bit of the leather!

The King of the Cowboys was so mad that he was barely able to discern the mountain lion tracks all over the camp. He vowed that the cougar's hide would get hung on the wall of the bunkhouse.

They got the bull back to it's rightful owner and stopped by the ranch to provision for the hunt. After explaining what happened to Dale, Pat put food and extra camping gear in Nellie Belle, along with plenty of extra gasoline. Roy put on an old pair of boots, grabbed extra ammo from the ranch house, kissed Dale, hopped on Trigger, and they were off in a cloud of dust and jeep exhaust.

They started tracking and in a short while, they heard the animal's high pitched scowling roar. It ran up a ridge and was gone over the top before either could get a shot off. The animal must have known that he was their quarry, for he remained hidden in front of them the rest of the day.

Over the next three days, the cougar remained elusive and started running for its life. The only time they saw or heard it, it was out of range of their guns. They were losing it.

On the fourth night they heard it roar off in the distance. Roy could have sworn that it was laughing at him.

Days turned into weeks and after two of them , with no longer any tracks to go by, they had to admit that this laughing mountain lion had eluded them. They headed back to the ranch. The four day ride was silent except for Nellie Belle's backfires (which happened just rythmically enough that it sounded like laughter; which didn't lighten Roy's mood).

When Roy and Pat returned to the ranch, Dale cooked them a wonderful meal and consoled them as best she could. Roy was still beside himself, but he had a grudging admiration for the mountain lion that had out smarted him over the couple of weeks.

They were sitting on the porch watching the sunset over the mountain, There was a movement on the hill to the south of the house. It looked like a mountain lion!

Dale, her eye on the hill, tapped Roy on the shoulder and sang, ♪ ♫"Pardon me Roy, ♪ is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"♫ ♪

Exotic Animals

A collector was going through an exotic animal show. There were dwarf emus that were only 14” high, giant Madagascar hissing cock roaches at four to six inches, llamas, pigmy wallabies, duckbilled platypi and all sorts of strange species.

The collector had come to this particular show because it was rumored that a dealer there was selling an animal that was the most exotic in the world, a rarie. He found the dealer and was able to secure a juvenile member of the species.

The animal looked like a yellow, fuzzy, round ball, with feet on the bottom. It stood 18’ from the top of its head to the tips of its feet; and his impossibly black eyes shone from underneath a thick down-like covering. The animal immediately took a liking to its new owner and cuddled against him whenever it could.

The collector took his new pet home to Boise, Idaho. Not much was known about this creature, so the collector started keeping a journal of the vital statistics of the rarie, whom he now called Leon.

Leon went everywhere with the man. He liked to play fetch with oyster and conch shells. Leon’s favorite food was smoked escargot, stewed in butter and garlic. He could eat thirty or forty pounds in a sitting.

Leon’s owner started trying to shop the book about raries around to various publishing houses, hoping to bring in some money to subsidize Leon’s ever growing palate and size. Leon ate all of the caviar in the local gourmet shop, eschewing the local roe for the imported fare from the Caspian Sea.

And Leon grew; and as it grew, it ate more and more. And it grew at an alarming rate. The size of the creature was such that Leon could no longer cuddle against the collector – the collector had to cuddle with the rarie.

The amount of food consumed was straining the collector's budget and no one wanted a book about a creature that would literally eat them out of house and home.

Finally, in a state of desperation, he took the animal in a dump truck to the edge of a gigantic cliff in the Snake River Canyon with the idea that he would drop it over the edge. Leon was just too big to be put down at the Humane Society; and drastic action had to be taken. Just as the collector was getting set to roll it out of the truck, Leon popped open an eye and looked at him and asked, "Whatcha gonna do now?" The collector explained how he could no longer afford the upkeep, and that dropping it over the cliff would be the most humane way to get rid of such an expensive liability. The animal looked over the edge and with a tear in its eye, it said, .... "It's a long way to tip a rarie."

From time to time I hope to add several more "groaners" that I have heard over the years to the blog. Phyllis Finecy put this on the Dorsett Meeting place in MYFAMILY.com. I added some obfuscation and changed it slightly, but thanks Phyllis. And I thought I'd lost my sense of humor....